


Looking Back at Me

by Eddie_spaghetti3



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Deadlights (IT), Ending Fix, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Gore, One Shot, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eddie_spaghetti3/pseuds/Eddie_spaghetti3
Summary: Eddie and Richie are separated from the rest of the group in their final battle with It. But if they want to survive, Richie must confront a deep-seated insecurity that’s followed him his whole life. One that could destroy the friendship that means the most to him.For anyone else who couldn’t handle the unresolved romantic tension in It Chapter Two.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	Looking Back at Me

It hunched over Eddie and me. The air rolling from its grotesque body was ripe with a stench -like rotting meat and iron- that burned my eyes and all the way down my throat; I could taste it every time I breathed.  
“You’ll never tell them.” It was in the form of a giant, mutilated rag doll. Yet, despite the crudely sewn shut mouth and the directionless pits of eyes, I knew It was talking to me. “You’ll never tell them,” It repeated. “You don’t have the guts. Do you, Richie?” It slurred and gurgled my name as its mouth was torn open by thousands of spiders. And the dark sinking in my chest screamed at me that it was right.  
Eddie cried out as the spiders washed over him, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezing his eyes shut.  
No.  
I bolted to Eddie. Then, grasping his face in my hands, I forced his gaze to meet mine.  
“Eddie.” I tried to be assuring, but the word broke as almost a plea. “It’s not real. We’re going to fight. We’re going to win.”  
“I-I can’t breathe.“ Eddie gulped air between each syllable. Fucking asthma.  
My mind raced to find anything to placate him, but before I could something heavy and thick slammed into my chest. I flew across the room, and when I finally did hit the wall, I couldn’t tell if the sick resulting crack came from it or me.  
My head lolled forward, pain ringing in my ears. I think Eddie screamed my name.  
But It gave no respite. A brittle hand planted on my forehead and slammed my head back against the wall.  
I groaned weakly, but couldn’t bring my aching body to fight back.  
Then the whispers started. “I always knew you were a freak.”  
“So you’re one of them, huh?”  
“Stop,” I muttered, heart pounding.  
They did not. Every insult I had ever heard, every disgusted remark, every snicker, every slur. They tore into me- broke down every wall I’d ever built - and I’d built a fuck ton of walls. The hisses crescendoed. My head pounded. I sobbed into my chest and covered my ears even though I knew it would do nothing to block out the sound.  
“Stop! Please- please stop!” I shouted into the chaos.  
And then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, the voices were gone, hushed into oblivion like a blown out candle.  
“We have to keep going.” It was Eddie.  
I took one long, shuddering breath before letting him help me to my feet. “Yeah. Let’s go.”  
The tunnel we walked was dark and wet. Every step splashed, and I kept having to wipe the condensation from my glasses.  
After a long, long while of this, Eddie spoke. “What did you hear?” He was so quiet I almost had to ask him to repeat himself.  
“You didn’t hear it?” I asked, taken aback.  
“No,” he said. “I mean, I could tell you were hearing something, obviously - you know, based off of how you were reacting - but I couldn’t hear it myself. Only you.”  
“Oh.”  
“So, uh... what did you hear?” He repeated the question.  
I paused. I could tell him. “Just, you know, standard creepy stuff.”  
Eddie looked at me with... I don’t know what. He definitely wasn’t buying my story, though. “I don’t think there’s anything standard about this.”  
I grunted in agreement but didn’t elaborate further.  
When I glanced back at Eddie a minute later, he was watching me. But he quickly looked away.  
Soon we were at the entrance to the massive cavern that It, by my educated guess, used as its lair.  
“Where are the others?” Eddie asked, fear creeping along the edge of his voice.  
I poked my head into the lair. And the sight made my gut recoil. Every single Loser was suspended in midair, eyes glowing, mouths agape.  
I turned back to Eddie. “It’s up to us now.”  
“What?!” He hissed.  
Suddenly, a giant rock exploded up from the ground behind us, cutting off the tunnel we had just emerged from.  
“I think this is a trap,” I whispered to Eddie.  
“Ya think?” He retorted before a sadistic voice boomed through the cavern:  
“I know your secret.”  
Eddie locked eyes with me.  
And then It appeared. He was a clown now, standing maybe a hundred feet away from us. Completely still.  
Eddie moved closer to me. His arm brushed against mine, and I tried to tell myself it was the adrenaline that sent sparks bursting down my spine.  
“I know your secret, your dirty little secret,” It chanted. And suddenly, without taking a step, It had moved closer. And his teeth had gotten a little bit sharper.  
“Richie...” Eddie’s voice wavered.  
“I know your secret.” Its voice was deeper now  
“Your dirty little secret.” His body was bigger. He had closed half the distance.  
“It’s not my secret he’s talking about, Richie!” Eddie shouted.  
“I know your secret!”  
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come.  
“Your dirty little secret!” It was ten feet away. He was massive now, and blood dripped from every fang.  
But then Eddie grabbed my hand and the world went still. “Richie, it’s okay.” Eddie smiled, in spite of everything. “Whatever it is... it’s okay.”  
I clenched my teeth and watched Eddie. Oh God. “Fine! Fine. Ok, so my secret is... I have been... I am- and I haven’t ever told anyone this, and... oh fuck it,” I finally conceded. And I looked at Eddie one last time, before he knew this thing about me. Before he maybe hated me forever. I wanted to remember how his face looked when it liked looking back at me.  
Then I, in the biggest god damn dramatic flair of confidence in my life, slid one hand through Eddie’s hair and the other around his waist. I pulled his body close until it knocked against mine.  
He stared up at me in what I can only describe as utter shock. But I had already come this far.  
I leaned in and pulled Eddie’s face to my own. His eyes fluttered closed and his shuddering breath danced across my mouth before the heat of his lips pressed against mine.  
Jesus fucking mother of Mary fucking Christ holy mother fucking shit.  
Did he hate me?  
But then Eddie wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment with constructive criticisms if you have any! I hope you all liked the work!


End file.
